You Do These Every Day… Then Wonder Why Your Dog Is “Stubborn”

Your dog isn’t stubborn. They’re confused.

Every day, without realizing it, you might be sending mixed signals that undermine the very behaviors you’re trying to build. The frustrating part? These habits feel completely natural to us humans. We think we’re being loving, responsible pet owners. Meanwhile, our dogs are getting a masterclass in inconsistency.

Let’s talk about the daily patterns that are quietly sabotaging your dog’s behavior—and what to do instead.

You Give Attention to Bad Behavior

Picture this: Your dog jumps on you when you get home. You push them down while saying “no, no, no!” Your dog hears: “Jumping = I get touched and talked to.” That’s attention, and attention is currency in your dog’s world.

The same thing happens when your dog barks at the window and you yell at them to stop. Or when they whine for food and you eventually give in “just this once” to get some peace. Each time, you’re accidentally rewarding the exact behavior you want to eliminate.

What to do instead: Ignore unwanted behavior completely. Turn away from jumping. Leave the room when barking starts. Wait for four paws on the floor or quiet before giving any attention at all. It feels counterintuitive, but indifference is your most powerful training tool.

Your Commands Mean “Maybe”

How many times do you say “come” before your dog actually comes? If it’s more than once, you’ve taught your dog that commands are suggestions. “Come” becomes “think about it.” “Sit” becomes “eventually, if you feel like it.”

This happens because we repeat ourselves. We say the command multiple times, with increasing urgency, until finally the dog complies—often because we’ve moved closer or changed our body language. The dog learns to wait for the fifth repetition or the frustrated tone before actually responding.

What to do instead: Say it once. If your dog doesn’t respond within a few seconds, don’t repeat the command. Instead, go to your dog and gently guide them into the behavior, then reward. This teaches that the command means something specific the first time it’s said.

You’re Inconsistent About Rules

Your dog can sleep on the couch on weekends but not weekdays. They can beg at dinner when you’re eating alone but not when guests are over. Sometimes jumping is met with giggles, other times with scolding—depending on whether you’re wearing work clothes.

Dogs don’t understand context the way we do. They can’t grasp “it’s okay sometimes.” They need black and white rules. When the rules keep changing, they’re not being stubborn when they break them. They’re genuinely unsure what’s expected.

What to do instead: Decide on your rules and stick to them 100% of the time. If you don’t want your dog on furniture ever, enforce it always. If furniture is allowed, make it always allowed. Consistency is the foundation of everything else.

You Let Excitement Override Training

Your dog pulls on the leash toward the park, and you follow because, well, you’re headed there anyway. They jump excitedly when you’re getting their dinner ready, and you put the bowl down because you don’t want to make them wait. They lose their mind when guests arrive, and you excuse it because “they’re just so happy!”

Excitement doesn’t justify bad behavior. In fact, high-arousal moments are when boundaries matter most. When we abandon rules during exciting times, we teach dogs that sufficient enthusiasm overrides everything they’ve learned.

What to do instead: Calm before reward. Stop walking when the leash tightens. Wait for all four paws on the floor before putting down the food bowl. Don’t open the door for guests until your dog is calm. Yes, it takes longer. But you’re building impulse control that will serve you both for years.

You Misinterpret “Guilt”

Your dog chewed your shoe while you were gone. You come home, see the evidence, and your dog looks “guilty”—ears back, head down, avoiding eye contact. So they know what they did was wrong, right? They’re just being defiant!

Wrong. That’s not guilt. That’s a dog responding to your body language and tone right now. Dogs don’t connect punishment to something they did hours or even minutes ago. When you scold them for past behavior, they have no idea why you’re upset. They just know you’re upset, and it’s scary and confusing.

What to do instead: Only address behaviors you catch in the act. If you find destruction after the fact, clean it up without drama. Your frustration is valid, but directing it at your dog teaches them nothing except that you’re unpredictable. Focus instead on prevention: proper exercise, mental stimulation, and crate training when unsupervised.

You Skip Exercise on Busy Days

When life gets hectic, the walk gets shortened or skipped. You’ll make up for it tomorrow. But a tired dog is a good dog, and an under-exercised dog is a dog with energy to burn on behaviors you don’t want—barking, destructiveness, hyperactivity, poor focus.

Physical exercise isn’t optional. It’s not a nice bonus you provide when convenient. For most dogs, it’s a biological necessity that directly impacts their ability to learn, settle, and make good choices.

What to do instead: Make exercise non-negotiable. It doesn’t have to be an hour-long walk every single day, but it needs to be something. A 15-minute training session, fetch in the backyard, a puzzle toy, or even indoor games on terrible weather days. Consistent daily mental and physical stimulation prevents the majority of behavioral issues.

You Accidentally Reward Anxiety

Your dog acts nervous during a thunderstorm, so you comfort them with petting and soothing words. They seem fearful of other dogs on walks, so you pick them up or hurry past while saying “it’s okay, it’s okay.” You’re trying to help. But your dog interprets your attention and changed behavior as confirmation that yes, there IS something to be scared of.

What to do instead: Stay calm and neutral during moments that trigger anxiety. Don’t coddle or dramatically change your behavior. Instead, redirect to something positive—a simple command they know well, a treat, a toy. Show through your actions that there’s nothing worth worrying about. For serious anxiety issues, work with a professional trainer or veterinary behaviorist.

The Truth About “Stubborn” Dogs

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of working with dogs: there’s no such thing as a stubborn dog. There are confused dogs. Inconsistently trained dogs. Under-exercised dogs. Dogs whose owners accidentally reward the wrong behaviors.

But stubborn? No.

Your dog wants to please you. They want to understand what you’re asking. When there’s a disconnect, it’s almost always a communication issue, not a character flaw.

The good news is that you can start fixing these patterns today. Pick one habit from this list—just one—and commit to changing it this week. You’ll be amazed at how quickly your “stubborn” dog starts making better choices.

Because once you stop sending mixed signals, your dog can finally hear you clearly.